Why am I a Nurse?

The other day I was asked by an old friend: "Tell me what you love about nursing." Mmmm... Why is that question so hard? I can tell you what I loathe about it, what drives me insane, what takes me to the brink of insanity every single day; but what do I love about it?

Let's start at the beginning. WHY am I a nurse? I was aimlessly wondering through life at the young age of 20, taking a few core classes at JC, and my grandfather told me that he thought I would be a good nurse. Eh, really? Sure, why not. It was relatively easy - take a test, give them some money, into nursing school you go. OK. Now I know what to be when I grow up. Decision made. There was one little glitch though... WHY am I a nurse? Everyone else went to nursing school for a reason - To help others, to make money, to have security. I did it because my grandfather recommend it. For those of you that don't know, my grandfather was my world, so who was I to doubt his wisdom?

Now, fast forward 10+ years. I've taken almost 100 college credits on top of nursing school in order to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. First, I thought it would be nifty to be a metal smith and make custom jewelry. It was a great plan, and I was doing it until the metal market went insane and material costs tripled, making it obvious that it would be impossible to make a living. Thankfully, I still had nursing. So back I went to a job that I was good at but still conflicted about. Sadly, very little has changed since then.

I've been through several other brilliant plans, the last one being to become an English teacher. What a great gig! Read great books and talk about them all day! This was to be my master plan, the culmination of all my brilliant plans. Um, yeah, not so much. Apparently there was a massive teacher shortage a few years ago, and as a result a lot of people went back to school and became teachers... So many of them in fact that there is now a surplus of teachers, and most of them are waiting tables while they wait for the economy to turn ar0und so they can finally get their shot at a "real job" and pay off their college loans. There went that master plan.

I am very lucky. I currently have a fantastic job. It's one of those once in a lifetime experiences that I will hold on to until someone pries my last clinging finger off, but I know that the Dr. has to retire at some point. Sadly, that will be before I am old enough to retire. That means that I will have to re-enter the real world, which I keep telling Lulu is a sad and horrid place that I never want to see again. So once again I am faced with the question - What do I love about nursing? Why am I a nurse?

The why is easy- It pays the bills. It's the main reason all of us work. To live, to have fun, to enjoy the monthly trip to Disneyland.

What do I LOVE about it - Wow. In the beginning I remember being amazed the first time I did CPR on a person and watched them walk out of the the ICU three days later. I remember the thought that wow, they are alive because of me... Well, me and an entire ICU team of Dr.s and nurses, all of which did more than me during that first code when I just wanted to sit in a corner and cry instead of doing chest compressions, but that was my thought at the time. I remember the first letter I ever received from the family of a patient after he died. Even though the patient had died, the family still wanted to tell me what the care and comfort that I had given to the patient and the family in those final days meant to them. Not the ICU team, but what I personally had given to them. I remember the first time a patient that I allowed myself to get attached to died, and how I couldn't work for the next two days because I was so overwhelmed by grief and sorrow.

All of those things happened within the first year of nursing. Those memories have kept the love of nursing alive in my memory, if not my heart. I don't know that if I were to start nursing today that I could have the same experiences. Age and experience have made me jaded, out of necessity more than anything, so very few things are seen with the rose colored tint that I viewed that time with. In the same thought I know that if I didn't have those experiences there is no way that I would have be able to tolerate this profession as long as I have, and I also know those experiences and this profession have allowed me to become the person that I am today.

So what do I love about nursing? I love the idea of it more than anything, the thought that at some point I can make someone's life better. The reality of it is now I love the people I work with, and the occasional positive interactions I have with other nurses that gives me hope that not every nurse has failed their basic ESL class and have a bit of humanity left in them. Most are now there for the money, and honestly it's the one job that you can't do just for the paycheck.
What do I want to be when I grow up? No idea, I'll let you know when I figure it out.

What do I dislike about nursing?
OUTGOING CALL
Lala: "May I please have the nurse for Bob please?"
Stupid Nurse: "No."
Lala: "No?"
Stupid Nurse: "No what?"
Lala: Are you fucking kidding me? "This is the Dr's office, I need to give an order."
Stupid Nurse: "Can I help you?"
Lala: "I don't know, can you? Are you a nurse?"
Stupid Nurse: "No."
Lala: killmekillmekillme "Can I talk to a nurse?"
Stupid Nurse: "I'm a nurse today, I'll help you."
Lala: Huh? OMG "Ooookay... Can you take an order?"
Stupid Nurse: "I can try."
Lala: "Lulu, if I ever end up in a SNF just take me to TJ and drop me off in some acid, I think it will be a more pleasant experience."