OUTGOING CALL
Lala: "I need to give an order please."
Stupid Nurse: "What?"
Lala: Oh no, not now... "I need to give an order please."
Stupid Nurse: "Huh?"
Lala: "Write. This. Down. GYN consult for PAP smear."
Stupid Nurse (Female): "What?"
Lala: Are you friggin kidding me! "PAP. Smear."
Stupid Nurse: "Huh?"
Lala: "PAP!"
Stupid Nurse: "Pep?"
Lulu: Laughing in background... "Are you talking to a woman?"
Lala: No, I'm talking to a rock. "PAP!"
Stupid Nurse: "Oh, PAP! Haha, OK, I order PAP."
Lala: "I feel so sorry for the patient, I wonder what will end up happening to her. Can I go back to Disneyland PLEASE??"

It's Raining! Again...

It's rained for 5 days. Do you know how long 5 days of bad weather in San Diego is? It's an eternity for us sun worshipers. I pay a premium for everything for the joy of living somewhere that doesn't have seasons or weather. It's sunny and 75, that's all the weatherman knows, so actual weather confuses us. Wind, trees falling, flights cancelled, mudslides... even the dogs are confused. They go running outside to go potty and find themselves in the middle of a bog since there is no drainage in a city that never has rain. They get confused and scared, come back inside and pee on the rug! Ugh.

I know the rain the rain is good but it makes me lethargic. Just ask my boss. I keep calling him and forgetting what I'm calling him for. Oops. If it doesn't stop soon I may become one of THEM!

The rain has made us all in dreary spirits, and Lulu and I are starting to wonder about our futures. Will we get into the programs we applied for? What happens if we don't? Lulu has it worse than me since I only want security for what will come in 5-10 years, whereas she is starting out in life and has pivotal choices to make. The forever WHAT IF question seems to hang over us a bit lower every day, but we are doing good at ignoring it for the time being. Six more weeks and we'll have some answers, but honestly, that will just lead to the big question: What now?

RING RING
Lala: "Can I help you?"
Stupid Nurse: "My patient needs an appetite stimulant."
Lala: "Why?"
Stupid Nurse: "Because she's losing weight. She's lost 17 pounds in one month!"
Lala: OK, may be valid... "What is her current weight?"
Stupid Nurse: "She's down to 200 pounds!"
Lala: If she only had a brain. "Mmmm. OK, well, in this case maybe the weight loss is desired then? She's still not at a healthy weight so we don't want to encourage her to gain more weight."
Stupid Nurse: "But she's lost so much! Don't we need to do something?"
Lala: "Is she on a calorie restricted diet?"
Stupid Nurse: "Yes."
Lala: Wow, she truly have no idea what she's doing. "No new order."
Stupid Nurse: "But, but..."
Lala: "Lulu, psych eval on 1 please. Crazy nurse for you."

Seriously, when did my profession start letting all the dumdums in?

It has come to my attention that my previous color scheme strained the eyes of my elder readers, so hopefully these colors will be easier to see.

The monsoonal rain has made the mood quite blah around here for the last few days, so even though I have been writing, I have no great insights to share. Please don't think you are being ignored, I will let you know the *moment* anything worth sharing occurs.

RING RING
Lala: "Can I help you?"
Someone: "Huh?"
Lala: "Can I help you?"
Someone: "Huh?"
Lala: "Can. I. Help. You."
Someone: "Hello?"
Lala: Click. When they learn to use the phone they can call back.

Seriously, not even any great new dumdum stories to share! I think everyone is hibernating this week.

A Disney Thought

Remember the song "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid? When Ariel is in her cavern looking at all her crap? To refresh your memory -

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

I always think of this song when I think of going to Disneyland, and I think I finally figured out why. It's a subliminal message to GO to Disneyland! Seriously, stick with me and I'll show you...

Take the first stanza. Being a Disney idiot I collect the pins and love the clothes and all the "stuff", and like the song, who cares? I WANT MORE! Every time I go I feel the urge to buy more pretty stuff!

Skip to the fourth stanza and you see California. At Disneyland you walk all day in the sun! See! See! I'm not crazy, I just finally broke one of the subliminal Disney messages!

And in case you are wondering, I will be going to Disneyland next week for 3 days and will have a fantastic time. I have no problem with Disneyland as it is the happiest place on earth, and I want to take a little piece of it home every time I visit.

I love Fridays, they are normally mellow until about 4, so I'll share this one from the wall of shame:

OUTGOING CALL
Lala: "Medical records please"
Medical Records: "Can I help you?"
Lala: "I need the diagnosis for a patient please."
Medical Records: "What?"
Lala: "Can you please look at the chart and tell me the patient's diagnosis, or the reason he is sick?" Since your JOB is to look at charts this should not be that difficult...
Medical Records: "I don't see it. I can't help you."
Lala: Deep Breath..1....2....3... "Yes you can. Please open the chart and look at the first page and tell me what it says."
Medical Records: "It say malice and fatigue."
Lala: Are you fucking kidding me?!? "Malice? She is ill from 'malice'?" Did she get a voodoo hex put on her? "Huh. Are you sure? Maybe it says Malaise?"
Medical Records: "OK. Maybe. Same thing."
Lala: Not so sure about that. I bet if you look closely you'll see a few differences. "OK, thank you."
Lulu: (finger laughing) "jajajajajajaj!!"

Why am I a Nurse?

The other day I was asked by an old friend: "Tell me what you love about nursing." Mmmm... Why is that question so hard? I can tell you what I loathe about it, what drives me insane, what takes me to the brink of insanity every single day; but what do I love about it?

Let's start at the beginning. WHY am I a nurse? I was aimlessly wondering through life at the young age of 20, taking a few core classes at JC, and my grandfather told me that he thought I would be a good nurse. Eh, really? Sure, why not. It was relatively easy - take a test, give them some money, into nursing school you go. OK. Now I know what to be when I grow up. Decision made. There was one little glitch though... WHY am I a nurse? Everyone else went to nursing school for a reason - To help others, to make money, to have security. I did it because my grandfather recommend it. For those of you that don't know, my grandfather was my world, so who was I to doubt his wisdom?

Now, fast forward 10+ years. I've taken almost 100 college credits on top of nursing school in order to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. First, I thought it would be nifty to be a metal smith and make custom jewelry. It was a great plan, and I was doing it until the metal market went insane and material costs tripled, making it obvious that it would be impossible to make a living. Thankfully, I still had nursing. So back I went to a job that I was good at but still conflicted about. Sadly, very little has changed since then.

I've been through several other brilliant plans, the last one being to become an English teacher. What a great gig! Read great books and talk about them all day! This was to be my master plan, the culmination of all my brilliant plans. Um, yeah, not so much. Apparently there was a massive teacher shortage a few years ago, and as a result a lot of people went back to school and became teachers... So many of them in fact that there is now a surplus of teachers, and most of them are waiting tables while they wait for the economy to turn ar0und so they can finally get their shot at a "real job" and pay off their college loans. There went that master plan.

I am very lucky. I currently have a fantastic job. It's one of those once in a lifetime experiences that I will hold on to until someone pries my last clinging finger off, but I know that the Dr. has to retire at some point. Sadly, that will be before I am old enough to retire. That means that I will have to re-enter the real world, which I keep telling Lulu is a sad and horrid place that I never want to see again. So once again I am faced with the question - What do I love about nursing? Why am I a nurse?

The why is easy- It pays the bills. It's the main reason all of us work. To live, to have fun, to enjoy the monthly trip to Disneyland.

What do I LOVE about it - Wow. In the beginning I remember being amazed the first time I did CPR on a person and watched them walk out of the the ICU three days later. I remember the thought that wow, they are alive because of me... Well, me and an entire ICU team of Dr.s and nurses, all of which did more than me during that first code when I just wanted to sit in a corner and cry instead of doing chest compressions, but that was my thought at the time. I remember the first letter I ever received from the family of a patient after he died. Even though the patient had died, the family still wanted to tell me what the care and comfort that I had given to the patient and the family in those final days meant to them. Not the ICU team, but what I personally had given to them. I remember the first time a patient that I allowed myself to get attached to died, and how I couldn't work for the next two days because I was so overwhelmed by grief and sorrow.

All of those things happened within the first year of nursing. Those memories have kept the love of nursing alive in my memory, if not my heart. I don't know that if I were to start nursing today that I could have the same experiences. Age and experience have made me jaded, out of necessity more than anything, so very few things are seen with the rose colored tint that I viewed that time with. In the same thought I know that if I didn't have those experiences there is no way that I would have be able to tolerate this profession as long as I have, and I also know those experiences and this profession have allowed me to become the person that I am today.

So what do I love about nursing? I love the idea of it more than anything, the thought that at some point I can make someone's life better. The reality of it is now I love the people I work with, and the occasional positive interactions I have with other nurses that gives me hope that not every nurse has failed their basic ESL class and have a bit of humanity left in them. Most are now there for the money, and honestly it's the one job that you can't do just for the paycheck.
What do I want to be when I grow up? No idea, I'll let you know when I figure it out.

What do I dislike about nursing?
OUTGOING CALL
Lala: "May I please have the nurse for Bob please?"
Stupid Nurse: "No."
Lala: "No?"
Stupid Nurse: "No what?"
Lala: Are you fucking kidding me? "This is the Dr's office, I need to give an order."
Stupid Nurse: "Can I help you?"
Lala: "I don't know, can you? Are you a nurse?"
Stupid Nurse: "No."
Lala: killmekillmekillme "Can I talk to a nurse?"
Stupid Nurse: "I'm a nurse today, I'll help you."
Lala: Huh? OMG "Ooookay... Can you take an order?"
Stupid Nurse: "I can try."
Lala: "Lulu, if I ever end up in a SNF just take me to TJ and drop me off in some acid, I think it will be a more pleasant experience."

In the Beginning...

Have you ever stood in the mirror and wondered what happened to the person that you used to be, to the person that you still see in your mind but not reflected in the mirror? I'm not talking just about physical beauty, but also about the dreams and desires that used to drive us, and now sit stagnant in some long forgotten but well intentioned dream.

I realized this morning that, statically, at least 1/3 if not 1/2 of my life is over, and that leaves very little time to finish doing the things that were once so important to finish. So, here goes nothing... The first step in reinventing what has become a mediocre existence. Wait, let me first clarify this - my life is fantastic. I have more love and laughter and joy in every day than many people get in a lifetime. If I could go no further in life than what I have now I would be happy every day with that. I simply have a little voice in my head that says I need to do more. I need to seek this dream or this vacation or this little moment of pleasure before the chance is gone.

Step One - Embrace Change!

First, what should I change? For starters I'll go with vanity. No, I won't change my vanity, I will work a little harder to appease it. Lose 20 pounds, brush my hair more than twice a week, that sort of nonsense that keeps me sane and keeps my husband interested. I'll do this a little at a time so in a month or so I'll add some more changes. You know what they say, too much change at once and you are destined to fail. Or, you are simply to lazy to do too much at once. Mmmm, I wonder which one I am...

Step Two - Write!

Well that's easy. You can not believe the things that are done on a daily basis. I will simply log them and let you decide how much you believe of it. Sadly, most will be true, no matter how much you want to deny it. I will change names to protect the innocent. I will be playing the part of Lala, with Lulu as my always there, never fail, need to be merged with counterpart that keeps me sane every day.

Step Three - Travel!

My monthly Disneyland trips and hiking excursions not withstanding, there is very little travel that I have logged. I can draw you a detailed map of Oahu, but I've never been on any of the other islands. I've driven from one coast to the other, but never stopped to enjoy the journey. I've been to Canada but never to Mexico, which is only 10 miles away. The master plan is Europe this spring, which involves less shopping and more saving on my part, so that also goes back to the whole "change" category. It also involves two 15 hour plane flights. I'm not sure if there is enough Xanax in the world, but I'll keep you updated.

I think that's enough decisions and proclamations for one day.

As promised- The Story of the Day:

Ring Ring
Lala: "Can I help you?"
Annoying Lady: "I need you to tell me it's OK for my mom to fly to Australia."
Lala: Huh? Who the fuck is this? "I'm sorry m'am, only the Dr. can do that. May I have your name and have him call you?"
Annoying Lady: "No. Just tell me, in your opinion, is it OK medically for her to go. I know she just had a blood clot in her lungs and she's really old and sick, but since you're a nurse you can tell me if, in your opinion, it will be safe."
Lala: OMG. "No, I'm sorry, I can't do that. I am not a Dr.. I will have the Dr. call you back when he is available." Click
Ring Ring
Lulu: "Can I help you?"
Annoying Lady: "Hi, I just spoke with the nurse and she couldn't help me so I'm hoping you can. Can you tell me it's OK for my to fly my mom to Australia?"
Lulu: "Hold please." "Lala, crazy lady on line one for you"
Lala: Please shoot me now. "Can I help you..."