Time Passes

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to see yourself as who you are now, while looking through your eyes fifteen years ago? Would your old self be amazed at how far you have come? Be disappointed that you did not live up to all the promises that you made yourself? Would you have the capacity to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you made?

I recently remade the acquaintance of someone that was one of the most important people in my life. She was my LIFE and sanity for a little over a year, and when she could no longer take the strain of being responsible for her life as well as mine we had to go our separate ways. Now, 15 years later, we met with the memory of what was and the knowledge of who we have become.

To me, she exceeded the promise of who she would become. To her, I hope I did the same. It was a rocky path we were on back then, and only luck and some glimmering hope kept us from jumping off the edge. I walked further and closer to that edge than she would, which is why she had to let me go. It wasn't safe where I was leading, and as hard as it was, she had to let me go.

I was broken when she was lost to me. But she didn't leave me empty handed. She gave me the best present in that she gave Scott. None of us could have guessed what it would become, where we would all be now, but none the less I am forever in her debt for all that she gave me.

I was surprised at how bittersweet seeing her again was. It made me miss deeply what could have been. It made me so joyous for her life and love and accomplishments. It made me regret my many, many missteps that caused pain to her and others that were trying only to help. More than anything, it warmed my heart to see her as the kind girl of my memories, made only more beautiful by age and wisdom.

In fifteen years I hope to be able to look back and see this moment as the time we were reconnected, not another lost chance and wonder, "What ever happened to that lovely girl?".